Managing Expectations as a Multi-Passionate Being

I want a little slice of it all

I’ve been in LA for the past three weeks and it’s been a lot. My days have been filled with visiting family and friends, working a ton, modeling, planning test shoots, executing test shoots, styling said shoots, returning clothes, driving driving driving. And I’ve loved all of it…well most of it at least. But while being here I’ve had this gnawing feeling the entire time. A feeling in the pit of my heart and belly, urging me to return to my deeper work. It’s a feeling of longing, guilt, fear, and shame all mixed together, lingering under the surface of the day to day. And I wonder, what is at the root of it all?

I have never been single minded. I have never had one thing I know for certain was my purpose and my direction. There are moments where this multi-disciplined focus feels vibrant, as if everything is in flow and all my curiosities meet somewhere to form a perfect gift, tied with a bow. But there are other times where I feel as if I’m neglecting certain aspects of myself and my purpose, as if those other passions may leave me because they feel as if I’ve forgotten about them. And even more so, that my clients and audience may leave as well for the same reasons.

It’s challenging walking this line. Having so many different moments of inspiration, each guiding me in different directions. And as I flesh it out further, I find that the fear of losing something to gain something else is at the core of these fears. How can I hold it all? How can I expand my capacity for all of my joys to come together? How can I let it all be okay? And more importantly, how can I find a rhythm of attention for each and every passion portal that does not leave either one aspect of myself feel neglected?

I think there is a lot of pressure out there to be committed to one specific thing, to become a master at it and have that one thing direct your life. That passion becomes our religion. It becomes our voice and our magic. Which are good things. But as a woman, as someone who is able to hold multitudes within me, this has never felt like enough. In a culture that glorifies specialization, it’s only natural to believe that being curious about so many different forms of art, of creation and of beauty meant that I was scattered and wrong. But I’m slowly beginning to see how this belief is only another way of keeping me small, another voice telling me I’m not ____ enough (wise, beautiful, big, energized, magnetized). But this voice is from another time, this voice is not truly me. How can being so inspired be wrong?

Being multi-passionate can and is a gift, if alchemized wisely. It is an avenue for expression and can open us up to more magic than we even believed possible for ourselves. It’s an opportunity to be a home-stead gardener instead of a monoculture farmer. To plant seeds of many varieties, at different seasons, and watch with wonder as they grow.

Naming the Multi-Passionate Experience